The first of three important appointments is over
The first appointment was my dad’s meeting with his Oncologist. So mid-week last week we were going to find out if his cancer was contained to the prostate or if it had spread. As much as we all tried not to mention it and look to the best, the truth is that this was the hardest answer to wait for even though it was the shortest wait. There is a big difference in treat-ability if the cancer has remained localized and in his case it has.
No cancer is good, but since it is there this was the best possible outcome. The outlook is good, and he’ll even get his first tattoo for the radiation.
The excruciating wait
Without a doubt this appointment was the scariest of the three. Of course we all told ourselves that it hadn’t spread and this was just a necessary step for treatment, they had to know the exact location; that was it.
None of us actually knew that for sure; and I am not ready for this to be more than it is.
Sweet Relief
I am pretty sure that I did spend a minute away from my phone or computer on Wednesday. I had no idea what time his appointment was, so all there was to do was wait. Early afternoon we got the email from my mom that the cancer had not spread, and a treatment plan had been made. I was able to send messages to my brothers and husband on my way to bed for a nap, that was it. The immediate exhaustion that I felt in that moment of relief was more than I could handle. So I slept for a few hours then and have been doing my best to catch up on the rest of my missing sleep since then.
Gratitude
The saying that a dad is a girl’s first hero could not be any truer in my case.
I can’t say that he always understood what I was going through but he was always there. I didn’t realize it at the time but washing those dishes together every night instead of getting a dishwasher like everyone else cemented a bond that I like to tell myself is special to us.
He’s smart and logical so I still don’t hesitate to go to him for advice and I was not prepared to imagine my life without him but for now I don’t have to.
I am grateful to both of my parents for being the parents that they were and still are.
I’m grateful for the relationship that I have with them and also for the relationship that they make sure to have with their grandchildren.
I am grateful for our family.
XOXO Alice