Hurry Up And Wait

We have all heard it….

“It’s vitally important that you complete this (insert task) as quickly as possible.”

So after you rush to do your part you discover that you have to wait to see another more specialized doctor/advisor/etc..

Our family has had several different balls hangings around in this limbo of nothing else for us to do except wait x number of months to see someone else.

At this point it has become our status quo and I’ve stopped expecting answers.

Suddenly November happens.

Public Service Announcement

The next two weeks are going to hold enough emotions to fuel a jet pack and that’s just from me.

A torturous fourscore

Today we find out if my father’s prostate cancer is confined to his prostate and that will decide his course of treatment.

In six days we are meeting with the paediatrician who has been assessing Atticus for Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Lastly in thirteen days I meet a new psychiatrist for an updated and unbiased assessment; it’s not coincidence that she has a special interest in adult ADHD.

Thankfully there should be a break in major assessments after that until the New Year when Margo gets to start her round of appointments and tests for ADHD and possible learning disabilities.

Yikes!! Where can I hide?

No where. There is no where that I can hide because hiding isn’t an option.

I need to keep it together and continue to put one lunch bag in front of another until we get through each day and each day beyond that.

I won’t pretend that I am at the top of my game or that I’ve slept that much in the last two days. I can however say with absolute conviction that I have not fallen apart. This a pretty big deal for me because 1) there have been times where I would have 2) I have a family that needs me to keep it together.

Margo and Atticus will be looking at their adults to help process their own emotions, I would like to set a positive example.

Getting a little guidance

So I am looking at some of the positive behaviours already being presented within our own family.

Cory has an unwavering ability to see the possibility of a positive outcome. Even today where we already know my father has cancer and there is no way to make that a positive thing he still operates on the assumption that it’s easily treatable and today is just one step in the process.

My mother frequently reminds us that while it is upsetting they are still okay. Watching her get through her day reminds me that I can get through mine. Her acceptance that they are just going to make the best of it no matter what today brings is inspirational.

My father himself; chooses knowledge. Knowledge after all is power. Every appointment is a chance to learn more about what is happening within him. I think for him there was a certain amount of relief in discovering the cancer. Now he has an explanation for why he has been feeling so lousy and now that we have that answer we work on the next followed by the next until we arrive at treatment.

So I am following their examples and hoping I can set a good one while I’m at it.

No matter what answers the next two weeks bring for us at least we will have answers.

With answers we can make a plan, because we will get through this.

XOXO Alice

One Year Ago Today

One Year Ago Today…….

I Married My Best Friend

I’m not saying that every married couple should be each others best friends, in fact I strongly recommend having some other close friends. That being said before Cory and I ever considered a romantic relationship we had already established a strong friendship. That friendship did not diminish as we moved into a romantic relationship. He remains the first person that I want to talk to about everything.

I Married An Amazing Father

Margo and Atticus certainly reap the rewards of having a strong and encouraging father in their lives.

Cory coming into our lives, changed our lives. Cory brought the kids and I closer as a family unit, largely by reducing our daily stresses so that we could enjoy each other more.

Cory is amazing with them, he is a constant presence in their lives, even being away four days a week he makes great efforts to be there and to make sure they know he is genuinely interested and concerned.

He plans family activities big and small. He actually does things with them such as biking, baseball and playing games. The positive effects of this attention are so easy to see, they feel safe and comfortable. They want to engage in things that interest him; it makes my heart so happy to see them with him.

I Married An Impressive Role Model

Cory sets a great example to our children of behaviours that they strive to emulate. He treats people kindly and with respect. He takes care of his family, and treats us well. He works hard, both at his job and around the house.

We Celebrated Our Family

Our wedding was a beautiful and wonderful day. We had a great time putting together a wedding that would represent us. And we were successful in that goal, our wedding was fabulous. Having the kids stand with us in front of our families and closest friends was an honour.

One year ago today we had a blast celebrating our love and family. Today we spent some time with Margo and Atticus celebrating the anniversary of that wonderful day.

XOXO Alice

Trigeminal Neuralgia And My Recent Diagnosis

Trigeminal Neuralgia, What is it?

Definition

Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) is a neurological syndrome characterized by excruciating pain to the face. It is chronic and progressive. While remissions of up to 6 months in length are reported by up to 50% of TN patients, it usually returns and most often becomes more frequent and severe over time. While a fortunate subset of patients with typical TN are able to achieve long-term and/or permanent pain relief with a procedure called microvascular decompression (MVD), for many others there is no cure. (This was taken from Face Facts)

My journey to a diagnosis

I wish I could say that my diagnosis came quickly and easily, it did not.

In August one day I had excoriating pain all over the left side of my face. Following that came several weeks of wide spread pain all over my body. So off to the doctor I went. Disturbingly in addition to the pain I was extremely forgetful and I was frequently reversing the order of words.

The doctor recommended OTC painkillers and a heating pad while we waited for test results. We scheduled a follow up for two weeks later. According to my blood work I should be healthy. So we scheduled a brain scan but it was going to take a few weeks to get in.

I couldn’t sit ideal for weeks letting my brain run away with itself.

Off to the dentist I go

While I’m waiting for the MRI I decide to go to the dentist. I had a pretty awful bicycle accident when I was young and it did a substantial amount of damage. As I spoke with the dentist he told me that it sounded like a nerve issue and my visual check up didn’t show any concerns. I asked for x-rays including an in-depth wrap around image as well. To their surprise they found two abscesses. So I started some antibiotics and we scheduled the root canals. One was successful, the other tooth was too calcified.

So it’s off to the endodontist. He believed that he would be able to do a traditional root canal. I was so grateful to hear that I would finally feel better. The utter relief I felt at the idea was overwhelming. So root canal day comes and I have a system for any major dental work, I take an oral sedative, put on dark glasses and insert earbuds to listen to an audio book or a meditation program. At this particular office they also put a quilt on me and prop my mouth open so I actually sleep. Only when they woke me the root canal had not been successful and I needed to heal for three weeks before I could have surgery through my gums instead. So I waited patiently.

Then surgery day came !!!!! YAY!

And then oh my god, the pain as the sedative and the freezing wore off at the same time. My kids were barely home from school when I threw up into a bowl in the living room because I wasn’t going to make it anywhere else. Side note is that when Atticus told Margo she confirmed with him that I had a bowl and I was alright, then she told him to leave me alone and not to watch. I adore that kid.

So a week later I went back and I have this awful migraine, it’s all consuming. They remove my stitches and check how I’m healing, everything looks great. If I could just kick this migraine. Except I don’t kick the migraine. It’s never ending, and now my sinuses seem to be inflamed. I reach a point where I have a migraine, light sensitivity, cheek and sinus pain, only on the left side, then comes the boat load of pain at the surgical location. But I have no fever and no inflammation. So I start using a nasal spray and allergy medicine, to see if it’s all sinus related.

Monday after dropping the kids off at school I had enough and I went to the clinic. At this point except for some reprieve for a week after the first two dental procedures I have been in high levels of pain for six months. I am sobbing. He asked where the pain was most intense, he checked my ears and throat, we discussed all the dental work and the previous pain. Then he checked my facial muscles. And told me quite plainly that he believes it is Trigeminal Neuralgia. He wrote a note for my doctor, prescribed me enough lyrica for two weeks and told me to see my doctor after I had been taking it for a few days. Turns out that positive reactions to anticonvulsant medication is considered a positive diagnosis.

But before I could allow myself to fully believe that I had this lifelong illness that would always require managing, I decided to have a consult with my dentist again. We took new x-rays and did a new exam, everything is healing great. He agreed with the clinic doctor’s diagnosis. He said it was the first time he was disappointed to tell someone that they had no dental issues. He also reminded that there are treatments available.

My feelings have really been all over the board today. I spent months thinking I had a nerve issue, or had suffered a stroke. But then it was as though I had been given a golden ticket and I went through multiple dental procedures including a very painful surgery. Only I didn’t end up fixed; in fact I escalated to the point of vomiting from pain about once a week.

So while having a diagnosis is a great thing because we can start to manage this better, it wasn’t the diagnosis I wanted.

At the end of the day though I know we will deal with this, and I am truly grateful that it is manageable.

XOXO As Always Alice

Margo Gets A Kayak

Happy Early Birthday To Our Lovely Margo

So on Tuesday my sweet baby is turning 11. It seems unbelievable. Cory won’t be here on Tuesday so we decided that she should get her special gift today.

Over the last two summers I have gotten both a stand up paddle board and a kayak.

And Margo honestly could not have shown more interest but we didn’t have the appropriate size for her.

Deciding on a gift

Last year we got Margo an iPod touch for her 10th birthday. And even though several of her friends have handed down iPhones, I am not quite there yet. And really she has access to enough electronics, but she’s also out grown a lot of toys.

So what do you do with a girl on the cusp of teen years?

We have noticed that Margo is going through that awkward stage where her confidence is kind of on the rocky side. And I can relate, in fact I still recall those days vividly. And what has helped me feel better is discovering all the things that I can do. And Miss Margo needs simulation physically and intellectually.

Last year following the wedding I got a kayak that we leave at Cory’s family cottage and I discovered the joy of bird, and water life watching. So later in the summer Cory would take the kids on the canoe while I used my kayak. The lake our cottage is on is small and fairly quiet so we decided this year that Margo will be ready to paddle on her own. It is my hope that by the having that independence and developing the strength of rowing, she will build confidence and learn to enjoy time away from screens and consistent electronic contact with her girl squad. On that note though I am so appreciative of her girl squad and the bond these girls share.

Unveiling

I asked Cory to bring up a spare twin mattress we have, so that we could place the kayak on it. I knew she would want to sit in it and that our hardwood floors may not be the best place to try that. Well my baby didn’t disappoint and she is thrilled with the gift. I am totally calling this one a win.

Happy Birthday Baby Cakes! We love you greatly!

XOXO Always Alice

Welcome to Empress Of Life

Empress Of Life

Empress Alice

So this is me Alice and my husband Cory. He is an amazing part of my life. He has allowed me to become the person that I am. Cory is a professional grown-up, and I am trying to get there but I wouldn’t ever dream of being on this journey without him.

These are our little people, Margo is on the verge being 11 and Atticus is 7. Margo often reminds me of myself, somethings in a good way, sometimes I cringe at having to go through what my parents must have gone through. She’s very clever and a little shy but she doesn’t let that hold her back. Atticus, well he has much more in common with Cory than he does with me. And I must admit that I just don’t really get boys, but he is so sweet and charming, also a math whiz.

Thanks for getting to know us,

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