I just hit the 45 pound mark in my weight loss journey. My end goal was 50, and if that happens I will be ecstatic. As it is I weigh less right now than my husband for the first time in the 7.5 years that we have known each other.
So if I don’t lose another 5 pounds I won’t be too distressed. I wanted to find my body again and learn to appreciate it, I’ve done that.
This picture was taken almost 2 years ago, I was heavy. I weighed as much than as I did when I gave birth, both times. I have a special knack for not see any pictures of myself during that time. Today as I cropped this picture for the article I actually saw how big I had really gotten. But the truth about being that overweight was that in a way it was a penance (my scarlet letter of sorts) that I was wearing because my mind was so overwhelmed with depression. It took a LONG time to find a good balance of coping skills and medication. But I have spent the last two years learning those improved coping skills and working with a psychiatrist to fix my medications. I participated in a CBT program and changed employment situations, twice.
One year in……
That picture was taken about 9 months into my weight loss journey, I had just finished my first round of Whole30, I had lost about 20 pounds at this point.
During that time I was working with the psychiatrist on finding the correct doses for my medication. And while I was still having emotional struggles, my now husband, and I had gotten engaged and I was improving. In addition to completing a Whole30 which helped me to physically feel better I also discovered Brian Tracy’s 30 Day Affirmation Challenge. So for 30 days I consciously spoke kindly to myself, I repeated their phrases on the specific day. I also recycled some when they seemed especially relevant. I am mean really you can’t tell yourself that you are getting better everyday too many times.
Some 18 months in……
As my wedding approached I took part in a wonderful cognitive behaviour group. And I ate very close to the Whole30 guidelines. I changed employment situations, and that was a major key. My job and most of all getting myself to my job caused me horrible daily anxiety. So by this time I have a good support system in place. And I was working full-time from home, which importantly allowed me to be available to my kids. So while I had emotionally difficult moments, that’s all they were, was moments. In general I was finally believing that things would essentially be ok. It’s a good feeling and it showed, I was 40 pounds lighter when we got married then when we got engaged.
Not an awesome picture because I was alone when I took it and I have not mastered the art of the selfie, but here I am 45 pounds lighter. And closer to a calm state of mind than I can recall being in a long time. I’m finally learning about boundaries and self-care.
So I started this journey clawing my way through every pound and as it turns out, every weight loss plateau I managed to conquer required emotional conquest first.
I’ve changed employment situations again and thankfully have a chance to take advantage of more time with the kids and more time to create.
Who knows where I’ll go from here, but I’m in great place. And the more I show gratitude to my body the more it gives me to be grateful for.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Alice Pond
